As you my dear readers may know I have been studying Satanism for quite some time. I have even considered joining the First Church of Satan, but after much thought, reading countless articles and even purchasing a magazine from the Church, I have learned that perhaps that is not the place for me. I am still going to bring along on my journey the wonderful things I did learn from reading the Satanic Bible and other works by LaVey but I think my feet would be better planted on my own form of the Left Hand Path.
I have been looking for a "leader/teacher" but I have come to terms that I can be both of those things for myself and other people. I have been taking a lot of time to study the Left Hand Path and I learned a lot of very valuable pieces of information. Basically every religion has a "left hand path" version of it. In India there are Hindus who practice and inverted form of Hinduism that is all about breaking sexual taboos and finding enlightenment by breaking the strict religious/social norms. There are people all over the world like myself who truly find their inner light in the darkness and there is nothing wrong with that.
Its very nice as a pretty much solitary witch to find out it is okay that I am a little darker of a spirit than my fellow happy go lucky witches; though I don't think there is a person on this earth who isn't a little "dark at heart". Sadly there are those of us who know how to control their "darkness" and live normal lives and then there are those who don't and they let their own "darkness" build up inside until they can no longer control it, and when they decide to stop being so pompous and let it out horrible things can happen. Let me tell you a little story about someone who ran around thinking she was "so innocent and on the "right hand path"- if you will.
Once upon a time many moons ago, a very dangerous and crazy woman, who claimed to be a "connection to the Goddess herself" told me that I am a "dark witch" and that apparently I am the Pagan version of something as evil as the "Anti-Christ". Shakti which is the name of the crazy lady had a whole intervention for me. She had her friend and fellow sheep have everyone over for what *I thought* was a night to learn about the "dark Goddess" instead of learning about the "dark Goddess" she spent the whole time bashing me for believing and worshipping the darker gods. As she did this all her little "white witches" joined in heckling me and making me break down and cry about the grief I was going through at that time. She had the nerve to say I was using my grief (my uncle and grandfather passed away that year a week apart) as a scapegoat for my true evilness. The whole thing was a farce.
My point is that if you, dear reader, have found love with the dark Gods, don't EVER let anyone who thinks they are righteous because they are on the "right hand path" ever tell you, you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with being darker then your peers. There is nothing wrong with finding love and light in the blackness of the abyss.
I have shared this story before, but I think its very important for people to understand that if anyone EVER tries to convince you that what you feel and believe in is wrong, especially when it comes to our beloved Gods, don't ever let them. For a few months after that "intervention" I was left questioning myself and my choices. I wondered, what was wrong with me. Why didn't these people like me? Then I realized they were afraid because ultimately I was more spiritually connected to the Divine because I was balanced. I don't think I will mention the Shakti story after this last time, because I need to let it go and move on with my own life, but its definitely something I would like all my readers to think about. Be yourself and believe in yourself.
Love,
Vaida.
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